Have you ever just wanted to hear one person lightly sing over the phone, even if you can't make out the words, just to hear the sweet tonality of their voice as it waxes and wanes over the words they sang, showing how deeply they felt about certain words and certain notes of the song whose name you didn't know?
Isn't it interesting how someone can make you smile without ever having the intention to do so purposefully?
Isn't it also interesting that you can make someone feel passionate about something without ever truly intending to do so?
Or even curious about how you can make someone else smile without even really wanting to?
I think about these three things. Depending on the who, when, and where, and quantity and quality of these unnamed variables, your life can be either perpetually pleasant or perpetually confusing and messy.
I digress. I haven't gotten sleep like I wished. I woke up halfway through a book at the library because my arm fell asleep under the tremendous weight of my fat head. The hours I would've rather spent resting were spent on a futile discussion spurred from an individual's internal frustration of which I have quite a keen personal disinterest in.
If you cannot tell, I am bitter. My words are stale, the bags under my eyes make me look like ET, and I spent six hours reading a book that I had an awful ending.
The book managed to capture my interest enough to make me fall asleep within the first 36 pages. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, because typically taking me away from my own life for long enough for my subconscious to initiate the sleep sequence is often quite a feat. However, the most captivating romance in the novel ended 224/380 pages deep. Of course, the love interest died. It was very clear they would die because of how perfect they were; kind, interested, loving, supportive... etc. However, their death, while tremendously shadowing the rest of the book with misery and purpose, also removed a large degree of hope and passion from the novel, and their presence was replaced by an additional ten characters and a new love interest with whom a meaningless sex scene took place. The rest of the novel had no meat to it.
The hours of my morning were also spent... noting the first two chapters of the book of Genesis in the bible on the Notepad on my iPhone. I can tell you this, I was very inspired, very captivated, and very motivated, unlike I ever had been before.
I really wish I had a little more sleep in me for writing this. All at once, life seemed to suddenly have a deep fulfilling stable purpose and meaning. Questioned I had always had seemed to be answered.
There I was, sitting among two non-religious individuals, divinely captured by the scripture in which so many men before me have been said to find salvation.
Thinking now, I really wish you had been there. It very much like something out of a movie. There I was, sitting in the dark, in quite the queerest of circumstances, reading the bible from the light of screen of my iPhone, copying the text verse by verse, looking up the definitions of the word 'firmament' and 'heaven'.
"My god, why won't you just go to sleep?" my roommate asked, around 4:04 AM.
"I could tell you it is because I fear night terrors I'm sure will haunt me tonight. I could also say it was due to the six energy drinks I consumed tonight all after 6 PM. In addition, I could say it is because after all my life, living in darkness, investigating every religion from Zoroastrianism to Satanism and witchcraft, I feel I have finally been captivated and actually understand the divine scriptures of Christ Our Savior, and what man could, in his right mind, rest his mind when this moment of divine enlightenment? Or, in complete honesty, I could tell you it is because I am a stubborn asshole, and simply refuse to sleep," I muttered in response.
"Are you serious?" The exasperation in his voice really did not phase me whatsoever.
"I have never been so inspired in my life to understand these texts."
Whatever he said to me in response I ignored. He muttered things of atheism, or eluding to it.
"Want to know what all these men who passed down this divine doctrine throughout the years despite all the non-believers around them who said that same thing?" I said.
"What?" More exasperation.
"I believe it would have not been possible if they weren't all stubborn assholes," I said with a grin.
I really did enjoy myself. His every argument was met with quoted verse from the Bible accurately, and it worked perfectly to my advantage in every instance. I was enthralled. I'd, for the first time ever, never found so much truth and stability met with no adversity from my soul, understood these words before.
Every type of each letter on that small touch-screen keyboard was met with delightful, heavenly imagery of the future. I felt surely my life was, and still is, turning around for the righteousness. I wanted to share this newfound knowledge.
All of this from only the first two chapters of the Bible. That's it! I'm actually excited to keep reading and to continue understanding the rest of it. I feel blessed. I feel saved. I feel as if I no longer feel bewildered and estranged peering into the vast abyssal wonders of the unknown. I feel protected, not alone, and understood. It didn't even feel strange. New, but not strange or unwelcome.
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