Every morning I wake up choking back tears with dry eyes and hot breath.
I had a pretty crazy dream last night, so let me describe it in vague detail.
I apologize because I've rehashed this so many times today I'm sick of it.
My mouth tastes like blood again and I'm not sure why. It's like this happens every time I finish writing for a moment.
Okay so the first part was trying to win over my ex. So, eventually I managed to win her over (I guess).
We we're in this castle. Suddenly, the castle is invaded by these Korean robot police and I have to fight them to protect my daughter, because she is the chosen one.
After fighting these robots for a really long time, they notice that my daughter is hidden and start sending out these suicide soldiers who are strapped with bombs that go off when they die or run out of ammo, so we have to run the fuck out of there.
We, being me, Stefany, Halley and Amelia. So we end up in this graveyard.
The graveyard was actually a 'fake graveyard' on the top floor of the castle, and the way we opened up these catacombs was by me placing a 'fake grave' in the graveyard, thereby awakening some weird shit and opening up this portal.
The graveyard leads to an underground chamber. The first part of these tunnels is very similar to a parking garage in its set up, but there are no cars or parking spots. Its basically the ideal place to 'bomb' with a longboard (ie, skate down the whole thing really fast). Its all dark and blue.
We find Jackson, Blake, and Royce, and eventually we all find Gabe. It's weird because in the dream we all confirm we know that Gabe is dead and that we're very upset by it, but we're all very happy still to see him again.
It ends up being really emotional because Gabe, of course, in real life is dead, and we're all aware of that in the dream, so everyone is really heartbroken but at the same time happy to see their friend.
Anyways, the parking-garage-catacomb tunnel turns into water park tubes, like the slides at water parks that are meant for going down in floating tubes.
Gabe and I used to get stuck in these when we were younger and at the pool. It was exhilarating because technically you weren't supposed to go down the slide until the first kid to go in came out at the bottom, but we would stay in so long that they would assume we went down, and then we'd come down together and the lifeguard would be ticked off if they noticed.
Gabe tells us that he 'knows the way to heaven' and we have to follow him through the waterpark-slide-tube things.
The slides eventually opened up into larger tunnels like a cave which revealed a much larger water park centered around the 'Buffalo Chips' restaurant, where Gabe was a server.
Its suddenly just me and Halley. The significance of "Buffalo Chips" was odd because it was 'where Gabe and Halley really met'.
This is one part of the dream I really didn't fucking understand, because it involved rehashing a lot of Halley and Jackson's 'memories' with Gabe, which I had no part of, but vaguely recollected stories of.
She forgets we had just seen Gabe and I don't bring it up because I don't want her to think I'm fucking with her, but she notices that I'm 'taking the same turns Gabe would've taken'. Low key because I'm following Gabe.
We end up coming out of these tunnels into this little house in the woods type of deal. Everything looks like its in sepia through a blurry Camera.
Gabe is out there with his kid, and Halley is crying because she can't go to them. Meanwhile, Stefany is nowhere to be found and instead of holding Amelia I have this faceless doll in my arms with a drawing of 'Amelia's face' taped to its head.
This golden retriever and Amelia end up running to Halley & Laurel, who I'm now looking at through this old camera.
I'm in the tunnels with Gabe again.
After this is when I followed Gabe into these tunnels that resembled the playground at our elementary school before they revamped it; there were these wooden platforms that basically made a big enough area to crawl around under and there were tires you could sit in too. This is where Gabe tells me I could get lost, like him.
He was worried.
He tells me that the reason I have the doll is because none of this was real, and while I already knew that, he wants me to realize it within the dream that Stefany really isn't okay with me and Halley really isn't ever going to see him again and he's worried I'm going to end up 'lost in the tunnels' too.
What if this was a real and you would've died in your sleep if you actually succeeded to follow gabe into heaven - my friend M.A.
It's been an irrational fear of mine for a long time because there is definitely this point of 'peace' I feel I can go to when I'm in that dream state. I've never gone there but it's like juts a little further down a road I've never gone.
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