Read 500 pages a week. Key to wisdom/intelligence.
I'd forgotten who I was quoting or listening to, but it seemed like a reasonable source of information. It had been on a Reddit post as 500 pages a day, but another user commented that the actual quote had been per week and that 500 per day was ludicrous.
So far this week I'd hit the 500 pages and it was barely Wednesday evening. I didn't intend to slow down but I knew that while actually working, 500 pages would be much more of an ordeal to complete.
I grew hopeful. I didn't feel needy or as incomplete as I usually did, but I felt hope. In the book I'd read, Fallen by Lauren Kate, the main hero, a fallen angel, had set the conflict in motion by loving the main character, a girl, above God. It occurred to me in a halfhearted epiphany that maybe that's what you really did have to go for; a relationship in which you could love God first rather than your significant other or in my cases prior, myself. With Stefany, I'd found that I still had room to worship something else, in which case I chose particularly my vices or at times myself, rather than relationships past. While at the time I'd thought it had been the perfect choice and then decided it wasn't because of how I'd thought, I now realized that I hadn't been completely wrong; if I could love Stefany while still being a God-fearing man and loving Him first, then I'd hit the jackpot. I'd have to love her even if she never returned the feeling, or rather love God first, and go from there. If I grew weak and put her on a pedestal above him, I was still fucking up just as bad as I always had. It was painfully obvious, but even as I'd told my pastor in the week past, it wasn't loving God to pursue other women or other things when I'd already begun to start a family, even if that family hadn't been started necessarily word for word 'right' by the Bible. It was the love, or the chemistry, whatever you want to call it, that had been in the light of Christ/God that I'd noticed and settled with, although I hadn't had the right words or understanding at the time.
I make such a big deal of this because until this point there had been a flickering in my heart that truly had wanted to pursue starting over or finding someone else or giving up on what I'd already started. Now that seemed for certain a horrible idea that would only make everyone around me and that knew of me suffer. While I was certainly no angel, I related my own life enough to what scripture references the Fiction novel had offered to ingrain the ideas that had been floating through my head the last several weeks a little more permanently.
Wednesday had already been a pretty good day, aside from whatever else had been going on that I wasn't letting get me down at the moment. I decided it would be a good time again to eat, so I left the library in search of some leftover ham that I'd been neglecting.
I'd forgotten who I was quoting or listening to, but it seemed like a reasonable source of information. It had been on a Reddit post as 500 pages a day, but another user commented that the actual quote had been per week and that 500 per day was ludicrous.
So far this week I'd hit the 500 pages and it was barely Wednesday evening. I didn't intend to slow down but I knew that while actually working, 500 pages would be much more of an ordeal to complete.
I grew hopeful. I didn't feel needy or as incomplete as I usually did, but I felt hope. In the book I'd read, Fallen by Lauren Kate, the main hero, a fallen angel, had set the conflict in motion by loving the main character, a girl, above God. It occurred to me in a halfhearted epiphany that maybe that's what you really did have to go for; a relationship in which you could love God first rather than your significant other or in my cases prior, myself. With Stefany, I'd found that I still had room to worship something else, in which case I chose particularly my vices or at times myself, rather than relationships past. While at the time I'd thought it had been the perfect choice and then decided it wasn't because of how I'd thought, I now realized that I hadn't been completely wrong; if I could love Stefany while still being a God-fearing man and loving Him first, then I'd hit the jackpot. I'd have to love her even if she never returned the feeling, or rather love God first, and go from there. If I grew weak and put her on a pedestal above him, I was still fucking up just as bad as I always had. It was painfully obvious, but even as I'd told my pastor in the week past, it wasn't loving God to pursue other women or other things when I'd already begun to start a family, even if that family hadn't been started necessarily word for word 'right' by the Bible. It was the love, or the chemistry, whatever you want to call it, that had been in the light of Christ/God that I'd noticed and settled with, although I hadn't had the right words or understanding at the time.
I make such a big deal of this because until this point there had been a flickering in my heart that truly had wanted to pursue starting over or finding someone else or giving up on what I'd already started. Now that seemed for certain a horrible idea that would only make everyone around me and that knew of me suffer. While I was certainly no angel, I related my own life enough to what scripture references the Fiction novel had offered to ingrain the ideas that had been floating through my head the last several weeks a little more permanently.
Wednesday had already been a pretty good day, aside from whatever else had been going on that I wasn't letting get me down at the moment. I decided it would be a good time again to eat, so I left the library in search of some leftover ham that I'd been neglecting.
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