I want to let you in,
I’d love to show you all around.
But where do I begin?
Careful over there, it’s easy here to drown.
Let me know as soon as you want to go,
I know you imagine this place a palace,
But it’s often very cold,
And the air here tastes of malice.
I promise you’ll be safe here,
Though I warn you to be wary.
This is all that I hold dear,
Although inside it may look barren.
In the first room are my mementos,
Reminding me of all I’ve cast aside.
An ocean beyond the second door,
From tears my loved ones cried.
The third simply won’t open though,
I tore off it’s handle long ago.
Its where I once forgave myself,
What for in time you’ll know,
In short for those I drug through hell,
Some pain can’t be forgiven for.
The fourth room is also locked,
Where I keep my hopes and dreams.
It’s the largest of them all,
Safe from all the world to see.
At night, once the silence comes,
And all the world falls asleep,
This palace becomes a battleground.
All the rooms become alive,
Fighting til the death of me.
I don’t want you to see that,
Although maybe someday you will,
Watching me tear myself apart-
Its hard to watch and not feel ill.
Of course theres more here to be seen,
But to which parts most are you intrigued?
Everyone deserves to be happy, I’m told
Something I struggle to believe.
Do I deserve one’s hand to hold?
I suppose I’ll have to see.
Though you don’t know what I am,
I’m happy to be known.
Thrilled that you can trust me,
And helping you feel not alone.
I adore your every thought,
The deep sea currents of your mind.
I never thought I’d meet someone like you,
You are one of a kind.
I want to know you too,
I hope you always feel this way.
I’m glad to be where you find solace,
That’s very kind of you to say.
I hope this flower grows to be a garden
where you can always feel you’re safe.
You were looking for a friend, I was wishing for one too.
From what you wrote and what I’ve read, I feel my wishes all came true.
When I’m with you I’m in paradise,
Like it’s where I’m meant to be.
In your eyes blissfully paralyzed,
I can’t move yet I feel free.
Your thoughts in writing quickly became my favorite thing to read.
The prettiest thing I think I’ve heard is the sound of when you sing.
Before I found you I could’ve spent my entire life asleep,
But now I find with you on my mind I’d rather be awake.
It’s certainly a lot to feel in such a short few weeks,
But its worth more than every second and every breath I have to take.
What you’ve described as a flower I believe will grow into a tree,
And I’ll use hope to hope a forest grows from you and me.
If the forest grows too fast, invading every place we know,
I believe I’ll still feel safe in calling that every place my home.
I’ve got my goggles on again,
So I’d best learn how to swim.
It feels as if I’m drowning,
The waves keep crashing in.
I wish I wasn’t like this,
My heart’s cold to the touch.
I can’t tell if I’m dreaming
Or if you’ve really had enough.
I can’t tell if you’re running
Or if I’m pushing you away.
‘Cause I feel like the space between us
becomes greater every day.
I don’t know what I want now,
It might not matter in the end.
Are we really falling out,
Or is it all just in my head?
Because everything I’m seeing
Looks like it’s coming to an end.
Still I don’t know if I believe it,
I feel this time and time again.
I hate these goggles on my head,
They show me waters rushing in.
Still somehow I’m still breathing,
So it must be in my head.
If every feeling comes from a real root,
Then how did this begin?
Will that flower make it through
Or be washed away instead?
I wish I wasn’t like this,
I long to let this feeling go.
Why do I feel hopeless?
I don’t want this anymore!
So this has got me on my knees,
And you’re nowhere to be seen.
Maybe I had spoke to soon,
Maybe I’m just weak.
I’m giving back into addiction,
My demons need to feed.
They’ve been mocking me constantly;
“She’s all I’ll ever need!”
Forget being whole again,
I’ll take this bottle to the head.
Just to erase the memories
Of lying with you in your bed.
They say something’s got to give,
Well here, I’m giving up.
I kept trying to see you,
But you never gave a fuck.
Maybe you don’t know this,
And I’ll want to take it back,
But I miss being lonely
Before we ever hit the sack.
I wish I could turn back the clock,
I wish it with all that I’ve got.
‘Cause I liked feeling close to you
But now that feeling’s lost.
I don’t know if you feel the same,
In fact I doubt you do.
But this is driving me insane,
It’s me, it isn’t you.
But I was wrong,
Only right in knowing
I didn’t belong.
It’s no one’s fault,
But I don’t know why you said those things.
From the start,
I wondered if those words were really meant for me.
If they were, though I hope they weren’t,
They meant so much to me but now don’t make sense at all.
What did you want?
You say that you don’t know,
But clearly its not me.
If that weren’t true I wouldn’t feel so cold.
I feel invisible, will you please be next to me?
I don’t need to kiss you, I ache for your helping hand.
I’m begging that you still feel safe to confide in me again.
I can’t say it’s over,
Because it never began.
I heard that words mean nothing,
I finally understand.
If I hadn’t kissed you,
And maybe if we’d never touched,
I wouldn’t have to forget you,
Because my heart says that’s too much.
You might be like me,
I still like you all the same,
But honestly I’m lying
Everytime I tell you its okay.
We’re not on the same page,
Or even the same book.
What words changed your mind that way?
I don’t know if I could bear to look.
Please say I’m not good enough,
At least then I’ll know I was right.
Because the moment I thought I was,
My heart whispered, “That’s a fucking lie.”
I hope you never know this,
I’ll bet you’ll never tell.
While you’re glad that we’re still friends
I regret we were anything else.
Sure, I loved the kisses, they really were like magic,
But when that magic left your lips and eyes,
I tried to deny it really happened.
I didn’t know it from the start,
But I grew to know you well enough.
You didn’t want to break my heart,
So I’m sorry I fell in love.
I hope you never blame yourself,
Because in truth it was all my fault.
I put myself through this hell,
I’ve let myself be this distraught.
It was never in my head,
Even though I wished it was.
If only I could forget,
Like detoxing from a drug.
But drugs I’ll never lose, & They’re always coming back.
Helping me forget every moment I ever felt with you,
At least that’s what I’m hoping for so I can finally relax.
Please know I cherished every moment of it,
I still struggle taking it back.
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